Let me start off by saying this: I do NOT want to be what is commonly known to fat chicks as a "skinny bitch." I absolutely LOVE being curvy. I love my boobs, my hips, and my legs. I wouldn't be hurt if my pant size still started with a "1." Actually, I'd be a little bummed if I were even a size 10. I'm realistic about my body. I'm short, only 5"3' and have always been thick. It's genetic… both sides of my family is a little thick. I think that it's silly for my Wii Fit Plus to tell me I should weigh 120lbs. It doesn't take into consideration my bone mass and actual body stature. But, it's a video game… My doctor (I love her btw) told me that my goal of 170-160 is a good goal for me. I'm very much aware that I will lose some boobage; but I'm quite positive that if I weighed 120, I'd have to walk on my hands and knees without a reduction.
I feel like I should also say that I will announce my weight on here and if you're not going to support me on this, then get the F out. No announcement tonight though. The one thing I don't need is people being punks and making fun of me or bringing me down when I don't reach a goal or gain some weight. Also, no I don't want to go running with you or to your super awesome spinning class. I hate that kind of crap. I like workouts that I can do while burning off steam. Especially this year; I've had one heck of a year and have been angry at a lot of things and going out on the back porch to punch the Hell out of my little boxing bag makes things better. What I do ask from you guys (if there's anyone out there reading this) is your tips, support, and cheers to keep me going. If you've never had to lose weight before (Justinin!!!!!!) you have no idea what it's like to do this--so don't tell me it's easy; trust me it's not easy!
Lemme give you a back story: I have never been skinny. But I didn't know that I wasn't skinny until I was in the 5th grade. The boy I had a crush on called me all sorts of things and my realization of what my body truly looked like and my self esteem sank. I was made fun of constantly. When I started high school, I was 150; when I graduated, I was somewhere in between 170 and 180.
Now I weigh more than 180. I didn't start noticing how much I really weighed though until I went to the doctor on campus and found out I weighed 221.9. I was mortified. That was in 2007. I have to say that since then, I haven't weighed more than that. (Except for a few days when I weighed 224.5 for some reason and then after 3 days suddenly weighed 218.6 with no workout or changed diet.)
After graduating from Sam in 2007/2008, (I say that because I was supposed to graduate in 2007 but didn't realize I was short 3 upper level hours, so I walked in Dec and the diploma came in May) I decided that I didn't want to do anything with my degree. I was at a very high point in my life. I was in a great relationship with Aaron, taking my ACP class to get my teaching certificate, and living on my own in Huntsville.
After passing my content exam, I didn't get any interviews at all; but I started working at Primrose back in Sugar Land. I moved into a home close to where I grew up at with my dog and lived there by ourselves for the year while I worked at Primrose. I had a great class and for the most part, loved my job. (If you know me well enough, you know I'm lying just a little about loving my job) I loved being on my own; and because the units were in England, I didn't have to pay rent or any bills. Yes, I was blessed; but still overweight and not happy with my body.
At Primrose, we started a whole diet thing and I started to lose weight. I actually got down below 200! But in March, Aaron and I broke up. I cried for a day, and then joined match.com 1 day later. In June, I went to England and Paris for a couple weeks and gained back a couple pounds right after I got below 200. I dated a guy who was an AMAZING cook and I blame a little of my weight gain on him. (Sorry, but your Juicy Lucy burgers--which were the best burgers I'd had in a long time and my coconut rum/pineapple juice combo didn't help either.) Then, (dun, dun, DUN) in September, I had to move back in with the units since my lease was up and they moved back home.
I love my parents to death and don't know what I'd do without them… But, like every other kid who has to move in with the 'rents again we don't always get along. In July, I quit Primrose because I just couldn't take it anymore. Things just were that bad. I was broke, jobless, and lived with my parents. This year has been a not so great year. Just ask the rest of my family; I have been pretty unpleasant at times. I've slipped into a depression and am very angry at times. With the anger and depression, the pounds came on.
I'm a substitute teacher so jobs aren't always there and I'm home a lot. That's boring and so I snack. I'm lazy and my favorite TV shows are on, so I don't work out. I'm sad, angry, or celebrating something, so I eat. I've realized that I NEED to lose weight or I'm going to be miserable. So, I go back to the Primrose diet and start losing weight again. But it's hard to get the units on the bandwagon and I stop my diet.
Fast forward to a couple months ago. I was recently stood up by a couple of guys and did not get even a text on my birthday. Although, Cory, who was mad at me, took the time to not only text me a happy birthday message, but sent me a song he downloaded that I couldn't find anywhere. (If he can do it when he's mad at me, you'd think the guy(s) I was talking to at the time could've done it too, right? Not so much…) So I decided it was time to give up focusing on getting a boyfriend and focus on getting a job and a better me. My match.com subscription was about to end anyways. (I'm subscribed to match again because I think I'm addicted; but I'm not on EVERY night like I used to be) Then, there was tonight. I'm watching all these videos of women losing weight and deciding that it's time once again to focus on the best person I know to focus on--MEEEEEEE! No more "game;" (Cory should be happy about that) no more being lazy; no more worrying about silly boys and what they want from me. Nope, it's all about me.
I've been working on that a little lately too. I've gotten out of my shell a little and went to my first meetup group meeting ON MY OWN! :) If you don't know me that well, you wouldn't think that was a big deal. But it's a pretty big deal to me. I am usually awkwardly shy and loathe doing things by my self. I've gotten into photography more now and am even putting together a sort of portfolio to send to this couple out here in Katy (http://www.snaptacularphotos.com/)so that I may be able to work with them. The best part of the photography thing is that someone besides my momma liked my pictures!!!!!!! Thanks-you know who you are. So, out of all this positiveness that came up recently, I decided again it was time for a change.
My goals:
Weight lost:50-60 lbs.
Pant size: 12/14
Top size: L or in button-up shirts XL no more XXLs
I don't want to ever wear Spanx again. (Look them up if you don't know)
I want Justinin to notice that I've lost weight and maybe find me kinda pretty. (Sorry Rina, but I've never been pretty to him)
I want to fit in the category on match.com as "About Average"
Even though I love Lane Bryant, after all of this is done, I don't ever want to walk in their store again except to buy bras and maybe a bathing suit top (they have built-in bras in them)
A fuller, rounder, firmer ass.
A JOB JOB JOB J-O-B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Complete a 365
Take good portraits to add to my portfolio
Once all of that is done, everything else will fall into place.
PS if you read this, please show some comment love so that I feel justified in doing this and motivated.
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