Have you ever sat down and thought about the ideal version of yourself? Lately, I've been disappointed in the current me. Working at Kids R Kids is not exactly what I call ideal. However, I'm fairly happy with what I do there. A little more than a week ago, I changed from working with my little preschoolers to working with school aged children. I miss my little kiddos and all their sweetness; but the stress of working with the girls (they may have been of an adult age, but were no where near being women) in those classes just brought me down too much. With the school agers, I get to be sarcastic, have a looser schedule, go on field trips, and get to walk away from the job fairly stress-free. That is the benefit. However, I am not where I want to be.
I'm royally stressing. I'm living paycheck to paycheck and this is so not fun. I can't even afford to go get milk right now... How lame is that? Don't even get me started on being able to afford flying to Phoenix in about 3 weeks... But, having a full-time teaching job would allow me to do those things. Ever since losing my job at Shell, I've struggled to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I HATED that job. But, it provided me with a sense of security. I didn't have to worry about where the rent was coming from. I just have to remind myself, this is good for me... Hard to remember that.
I just want a classroom so bad I can taste it. School starts in 2 weeks. In less than 2 weeks though, I'll start a job as a full-time substitute for a
first grade teacher on maternity leave. Yes, while I'm excited, I'm
also seriously nervous. It's also a little depressing. It's depressing
because I've been struggling with this for a long time and I'm not
exactly sure why I don't quite have a teaching job. I've applied for jobs; but nothing has come about.
I didn't sit down tonight to write this blog to complain. My intentions were to reflect. So, here comes the reflection part...
My alteration isn't just about weight loss. My alteration is about changing me over all. When I first started writing this, I wanted to be moved out of my parentals... I've already cleared that hurdle. So, now I have to clear others. Teaching is my biggest hurdle right now. My goal in the near future is to get that teaching job. I have to make adjustments to my strategy and tackle this sub job like it's a real job. I have to apply everywhere. I just have to do it. I'm beyond tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I can't do it anymore. I'm hoping this sub job will lead to something more promising...
